8 Days Old

Here is the gallery. I left some of the lil one out. I do not want to do that with you. So, most are with the dynamic duo.

It has been a trying day for Spirit - Willow it seems too. All the moms seem to be a little off. But we are working at redirecting and concentrating on the living. Spirit has 2 amazing pups. Spirit is pretty amazing herself. 

Pups are doing well. They are cuddling with each other. They will enjoy having other pups to rest and play with as they enjoyed the lil one. Spirit was a mess into the early afternoon but she seems to be focusing on her 2. She snuggled with me and her pups and wants to stay by her pups but otherwise she is improving. 

Videos are up and I will try to get more up later. It is a process for me too. Bear with me, please.

Lil One Passed to the Rainbow Bridge

At 11:17am today we lost the fight but she was in my arms and glad I had the last moments with her despite how difficult it is. Spirit let out a gutteral cry when she passed then ignored her. It is obvious she is feeling the loss. Sprit is such a special dog - to embrace, love and then feel immense loss. I am so sorry that I put her through the loss. Willow and the other dogs sniffed and walked away. 

Here is a video of her after passing - my memorial to her. Do not watch if you can't. 

As the houurs go by, Willow is now looking for the pup and seeking comfort. I need to do blogs. Don't feel like it but must. 

Thank you for the consoling words. Nathan said he can not handle loss. Who can. So he protects himself by not getting close till we have play sessions. I have been the person who in pouring rain brings a dog to the vet to be euthanized as it is time. I am always the person bearing the hard load. Today it feels like too much and sometimes I wish I was Nathan vs. me.

I usually can get a puppy to rally though it is rare that I need to. This time I failed. That hurts.

Emotions

When you have a fading puppy, you wake up in the morning with a sense of - will there be loss today. You worry about the mom and in this case it will be Spirit that will feel the loss not Willow. Willow seems to know but she is not attentive to her. Spirit tries everything to get the pup to rally. It is not rallying. This morning I fed and knew I was holding a fading puppy. Can be today - can be tomorrow. For whatever reason it is not absorbing its nutrients given. 

I feel responsible even though I know I have done everything I can. A wise person said to me that some puppies are not compatible with life. I know this intellectually but not emotionally. 

I hate that I had to take you through this journey. I hate that I am still taking you through it. All other pups are thriving. One has to celebrate life too. 

A part of me wishes she passed now so Spirit didn't get so frantic and I do not live with this sense of knowing it is anytime. Selfish? It is rare that I have to go through this. Watching a pup that is now not crawling or any fight in them is downright overwhelming and unfortunately it is me that carries the weight and Dennis at night. My emotional level is at such a point that I feel like vomiting from the stress. I am crying off and on. It is a process but its not about me. I feel responsible for Spirit that I brought into this with good intentions and with the pup. 

So, do I think she will rally? Doubtful. 

1 Week Spirit Lil One 4.5 Days

Here is the gallery.

The pup is exclusively now being fed goats milk formula and the Sprit pups are eating from mom. I keep trying to get the Lil One to eat off Spirit but she has declined all day but she is receptive to eating formula. Her bowels so far is good. I have seen her output so it is one less worry. 

Spirit's pups are fat and gorgeous. One - the boy is a tri and 1 the gal is a chocolate sable. 

It is going to be fun when these pups have their eyes open.

Videos are up. 

Just Venting: Sad Times

Here is the gallery.

I have a very heavy heart. The puppy did a great job in gaining and it is refusing to eat and losing weight since last night. I will begin to feed her every 2 hours but this is one that may not be capatible with life. I pray I can get her from here to there but I am not sure. It is rare that I ever lose a puppy but when I do, it tears a piece of my heart out and it gets stomped on. I am not as hopeful as I was this morning. This morning she was feeding. I gave her a little purified sugar water and she was receptive. We shall see how this journey goes. 

It has been a long time since we had a loss but it brings to the surface how responsible we are for their lives. 

It's been a day so if I am stingy with videos and galleries, please understand. I can only do what I can. All pups are doing well, with this exception. They are gaining, active etc. This littlest is actually still semi-active. 

UPDATE: So far 2 feedings by herself. Third one was half hearted so I am going to wait on next feeding till milk is let down and then I will put her on it and see how that goes.

The Spirit crew is 7 days old now and fat. LOL

Videos are up.